maddie 15 california das it

potassiurn:

you want the d?

oh you mean my

image

(via ruinedchildhood)

k-lionheart:

tittily:

cant get authentic italian cuisine like this anymore

i don’t even know where to start with this post

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

(via montrealslonelystar)

kinkykatn1ss:

This hoe wanna fight so I stole her look
at the resturant with bae
  • waitress: *fills his glass with ice water*
  • me: *watches thot ass waitress pour a lil too much water for my liking*
  • me: you want my man or something?
  • her: wh-wat?
  • me: i'm just trying to figure out why u pour his glass first? im closer? why his water got so much ice?
  • me: I mean the glass already sweating bitch why u think he so dehydrated? im the only bitch who put ice in his glass.
  • me: everybody else got 3 ice square cubes and he got 5 circle ones bitch u think u slick huh? a circle for every minute u gon suck his dick huh? spelling out morris code for u can raw me in ice cubes huh?
  • him: aye calm down
  • me: nah cause she wanna give u 5 ice circles for what? its 72 degrees and mild 1 ice wud have been just fine. bitch gimme a male waiter--matta fact bitch when u get off cause its one too many ice circles and u think fat meat aint greasy
thisrabbitsgonemad:

I PUT BLUSH ON HER SHES AN ANGEL HOLY SHIT
snatchedweaves:

rosaparking:

yes doctor i cant feel my clitoris

ben-walker:

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before social media took over

(via naiveandcurious)